Genesis 1:1
My Hypothetical Conversation with God
Whom Should We Blame for the Immoral Actions of a Newly-Created Being?
The entire Genesis account of creation is so obviously a myth that it might as well be one of Brothers Grimm's fairy tales. I'm embarrassed to take it seriously enough to analyze. It's like writing a critical analysis of Little Red Riding Hood and explaining why a wolf can't eat an old woman in one bite, change into her clothes, and then speak in the old woman's voice. I mean, really? Do I have to stoop that low? Apparently I do. But enough ridicule, let's begin:
1. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. 2. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved on the face of the waters. 3. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. 4. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. 5. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day. -KJV Bible
What was the temperature of these "waters" that the spirit of God moved over? I ask because God hadn't created the sun yet which means there was no source of heat, which means the ambient temperature would have been absolute zero. How can liquid water exist at absolute zero? It can't. Therefore, an unmentioned source of heat must have already been present before the sun was created.Why did God say "Let there be light?" What was the purpose of uttering those words? Who was he talking to and in what language? Why couldn't he just create light without saying anything? Why did he announce the creation of light and to whom was he announcing it? What was emitting this light? Was God living in darkness before he created light? He didn't create the sun yet, but heat and light are already present. Interesting. So why bother creating the sun later? What good is it? We already have heat and light, so what do we need a sun for?
Yes, I know... the Bible is not a science textbook so I shouldn't take it so literally. And I wouldn't take it literally if it weren't for the fact that 40% of Americans do take it literally. They reject the idea that it's mere allegory or myth. They think Genesis actually happened exactly as the Bible says it did, word for word. And these people are in political office, making important decisions. That's as scary as a politician who seriously believes in Santa Claus. Not only that, but he telepathically talks to his imagined Santa Claus and asks him for advice and favors. We'd think such a politician was afflicted with cretinism or schizophrenia, yet when this same politician believes in a god, we're supposed to respect his beliefs. It seems one can believe in the most absurd nonsense imaginable and his beliefs will be respected as long as the nonsense can be called a religion.
More questions: What does it mean to divide light from darkness? Why do they need to be divided in the first place? Were light and darkness present in the same place at the same time before God divided them? How can that be? Dividing light from darkness is just as ridiculous as dividing sound from silence. It's the same idea, just a different form of energy. "God heard the sound, that it was good, and God divided the sound from the silence." Doesn't that sound silly? Sure it does, so why is it any less silly with light?
Also, how can there be an evening or morning without a sun? Does god know what causes evenings and mornings? Apparently not.
Why did God create Adam from dust? Why not just make him magically appear out of nothing, the way God created everything else except Eve? Apparently, it's to symbolize that man came from dust and to dust he shall return upon his death.
First, for whom is this symbol intended? For Adam? So God created Adam from dust to symbolize to Adam that God created him from dust? Isn't that a bit redundant?
Second, human flesh does not "return to dust" when it decomposes. Bacterial putrefaction breaks down the fats and proteins into cadaverene and putrescene. They're extremely malodorous syrupy liquids that give off the typical stench of rotting flesh. A decomposing human corpse is arguably one of the most revolting things in nature, both physically and emotionally. Couldn't God come up with a more elegant way to deal with dead bodies? Couldn't he make them fade away, like dead Jedi in Star Wars? It's really quite pathetic that a mere mortal like George Lucas can come up with a more graceful way of dealing with corpses than Almighty God.
Eve was created from Adam's rib. How much did Adam's rib weigh? Maybe a couple of pounds... ten pounds at most? How much did Eve weigh? Obviously more than that. So where did the extra mass come from? Apparently God just made it appear out of nothing, like the rest of the universe. So even if Adam's rib was a heavy 10 lbs, and Eve weighed a tiny 100 lbs., that means 90% of Eve was not made from Adam's rib. So much for Eve being created from Adam's rib!
Did Adam and Eve have teeth and stomachs? Most theologians would say "yes" which means God intended them to eat food on a regular basis. Doesn't that mean they would eventually have to go to the bathroom? Where in Paradise is there room for a bathroom? Who would service and clean it? Why bother with this clumsy, smelly process in the first place? It's not very God-like. Why not simply give Adam and Eve permanent, infinite sources of energy so they'd never have to eat or do any "unclean" things?
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My Hypothetical Conversation with GodIf I were Adam, the following is a conversation I might have with God in Eden. By the way, what language did Adam and Eve speak? Who taught it to them? Let me guess... they were created knowing that language, which is another way of saying "they knew it by magic".
Adam: "God, why did you create me from dust?"
God: "Because you're going to return to dust when you die and so the circle of life will be complete."
Adam: "I'm going to die? What's death? I thought I was going to spend eternity in this Garden of Eden."
God: "Well yeah that was my original plan but you guys are gonna eat the Forbidden Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and this will make me so mad that I'll kick the both of you out of Eden forever, along with all your descendants."
Adam: "WHAT? OMG! Are you saying our disobedience will get all of humanity kicked out of Eden forever? Holy crap! I need to have a serious conversation with Eve about this. I need to impress on her just how critically important it is that she NOT eat that Forbidden Fruit! By the way, why can't we eat it?"
God: "Because I forbid it."
Adam: "Why do you forbid it?"
God: "What's with all these questions?"
Adam: "I'm just curious, that's all."
God: "You do know what killed the cat, don't you?"
Adam: "Cat? What's a cat?"
God: "Never mind. Anyway, you're not allowed to eat the Fruit. Just trust me on this."
Adam: "Yes, I understand that but I'm trying to figure out why we're not allowed to eat it."
God: "Because if you eat it, I'm gonna kick you out of Paradise forever! Is that not reason enough?"
Adam: "I'm well aware of the consequences for violating your law. What I'm curious about is your motive for making it a law in the first place. Why is that Fruit forbidden? Let me ask the question another way: Why will you be upset if we eat the Forbidden Fruit?"
God: "Because by eating the Fruit, you'll be disobeying me and I can't have that. I demand obedience!"
Adam: "I see. And why would you punish all our descendants for something the two of us did?"
God: "Don't worry about it. I work in mysterious ways."
Adam: "Okay. So you're saying we'll eat the Fruit even though you told us not to. That's so strange. Why would we disobey you? Do we forget that it's forbidden? Do we accidentally eat it without realizing?"
God: "Well, actually there's something I didn't tell you."
Adam: "Huh? What do you mean?"
God: "There will be a snake in the Tree of Good and Evil. That snake is Satan incarnate, my rebellious fallen angel. He'll convince Eve to eat the Forbidden Fruit."
Adam: "What a sinister, evil being that Satan must be! I wonder how he'll manage to sneak into our Garden and get into the Tree. He must be very clever! We'll have to be on the look out for that bastard. Let me know if you see him coming, okay God?
God: "Well, uh... actually, I'm the one who put him there."
Adam: "Wait... what?"
God: "I put Satan in the Tree of Good and Evil on purpose, so he can trick Eve into eating the Forbidden Fruit."
Adam: "WHAT? But why? Why would you deliberately sabotage our.... oh, I get it! Hehe! Good one, God, good one! For a minute there, I thought you were serious!"
God: "I am serious. I'm always serious. People in the future will read a collection of my writings called The Bible and they too will see that at no point do I ever say or do anything funny. Basically, I have no sense of humor.
Adam: "You gotta be kidding me!"
God: "I just told you I never do that."
Adam: "Um... okaaaaay. So you created a Garden of Eden for us where we can eat anything but the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Then you're going to put Satan in that Tree so he can trick us into eating that Forbidden Fruit. Question: Why? Why would you deliberately sabotage our welcome here by putting that Satanic serpent in the Tree? Why did you even make that Tree to begin with? What good is it?
God: "Hey it's your fault... you're the ones who are gonna eat the Fruit. I told you not to but you ate it anyways."
Adam: "Yes, I understand, but can you please explain the reason for the Tree and serpent?"
God: "To test you guys."
Adam: "But I thought you were All-Knowing. What's the point of testing someone when you already know the outcome of the test ahead of time?"
God: "The test is not for me. It's to show you that you're both rebellious and corrupt and disobedient and unworthy of Paradise."
Adam: "But didn't you make us that way?"
God: "No. I gave you free will and you CHOSE to be bad and disobedient."
Adam: "Bad? What does that word mean? I don't understand how you can accuse us of doing something bad when we don't know the difference between right & wrong. We don't know what it means to be good or evil.
God: "Doesn't matter."
Adam: "Whaddaya mean it doesn't matter? Of course it matters! The fate of all humanity depends on us knowing the difference between right & wrong. How can you fault us for anything when we don't know the difference between right and wrong?"
God: "Don't worry, you'll know soon enough."
Adam: "What do you mean?"
God: "Well... that's how Satan gets Eve to eat the Forbidden Fruit. He tells her that by eating the fruit, you guys will know the difference between good and evil. So essentially, eating the Forbidden Fruit will give you morality."
Adam: "Is that true?"
God: "Yep"
Adam: "So let me get this right: to know that eating the Forbidden Fruit is wrong, we need the ability to tell the difference between right and wrong. But to have this ability, we must eat the Forbidden Fruit."
God: "Yep."
Adam: "That doesn't sound very fair to me. It sounds like you're setting us up to fail. Do you see what I mean?"
God: "Of course I do. I'm All-Knowing, remember?"
Adam: "Why would you set us up to fail?"
God: "I have my reasons... they needn't concern you. I work in mysterious ways."
Adam: "You said that already."
God: "I know that!"
Adam: "Okay, so you're going to punish all of humanity forever because Eve and I want to know the difference between Good and Evil. But don't you want us to know the difference between good and evil? Isn't that what being moral is all about? How are we supposed to differentiate between right and wrong if we don't even know what they are? Don't you want us to be moral beings?"
God: "Well... uhhh....."
Adam: "And why the eternal punishment merely because we're curious and want to know things and be moral? Why did you give us intellectual curiosity if you're going to punish us for acting on it? I mean, do you expect us to be ignorant, immoral, closed-minded fools for all eternity? Is that what you want? What kind of god are you? What kind of god would punish his creations merely for wanting to be moral and knowledgeable? You're inciting idiocy and immorality by terrorizing us into stupidity and ignorance! What the hell is wrong with you?"
God: "Don't bother eating the Forbidden Fruit. I'm kicking you out right now for your insolence."
Adam: "Well excuse the fuck out of me! I guess I'm supposed to kiss your ass every minute I spend in this so-called "paradise" of yours. If that's what you want, you shouldn't have given me self-respect. But you did. So you know what? Go fuck yourself. I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees."
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Whom Should We Blame for the Immoral Actions of a Newly-Created Being?If you're God and you know in advance that the being you're going to create will malfunction, why create it in the first place? If I intend to create an artificially intelligent life form and I know in advance that it will kill some innocent person, I would have to be quite the malicious bastard to actually create it. But suppose I go ahead and create it and the moment I activate it, it attacks a random person and kills him. Who do you think should be held accountable for the death? The new life form or the one who created it? All the more damning is the fact that the creator knew in advance that this life form would malfunction and kill someone.
"But God gave humans free will so God is not responsible for our actions!" the Christian says.
Well, isn't that a convenient cop-out! I can easily make the same claim: "I'm not responsible for any deaths my creation causes because I gave it free will."
This "free will" defense isn't really an argument at all. It's a cheap evasive trick intended to excuse and cover-up God's piss-poor job of designing Adam and Eve's brains.